Caught up! And so close to 100--I can smell the victory! I will probably finish before Saturday ;)
Also, I think it's going to be over 100 pages when the story is complete.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
SonRise: Eleventh Time's the Charm
I am completely filled up. My cup runneth over. My knees are still protesting, and my contacts are sticking to my eyeballs, but I have been utterly and undeservedly blessed.
I was in charge of the Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem and The Last Supper scenes. On the day-of that means we make sure the Last Supper props are set up correctly,
This year we ran 11 shows for SonRise. We have six teams that, except for one, do two shows each. The first show started at 8:30 am and the rest ran in half hour intervals for the rest of the day until 1:30 pm.
I have to start by saying that the casting of all our "Jesi" (plural Jesus in cast/crew lingo) was fantastic this year. Every one of them did a phenomenal job. The rest of the cast did too, but it was Jesus who--rightly so--made this SonRise exceptional.
I was in charge of the Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem and The Last Supper scenes. On the day-of that means we make sure the Last Supper props are set up correctly,
and then walk from the Student Center to Hickman to get the disciples and Jesus to start the donkey ride at the correct time.
Team Compton
I really loved Triumphal Entry this year. Last year I only went to each of the first shows and not the second ones, but this year I only missed one. Even when my feet hurt or I felt like they didn't need me, I really enjoyed hugging each of the Jesi for good luck and praying with the groups before they started their shows. It was like my own special moment to be in the inner circle of Jesus.
Then they were off! As soon as the weight of Jesus touched the donkey's back, he would take off. The disciples were fantastic--they never looked tired of telling the crowds that Jesus was here.
Team Adams - Triumphal Entry
They waved and yelled their way through Jerusalem, and then dismounted and headed up the stairs at Summerour to walk toward Hackman. During that walk, the wonderful children that Annalisa recruited would run to Jesus, ignoring the protests of the disciples. This exact moment and the ones to follow were the ones that really set up how my SonRise experience would go. This is where I experienced how much Jesus loved everyone, and how innocent he was. Eleven times I watched Jesse, Andy, Dawson, Robert, Ryan, and Eric represent Christ. During Jesse's first show, after he greeted the children at the top of the stairs, he asked, "Do you want to hear a story?" And they just plopped right down in front of him to listen. My heart was already soaring.
Jesse with the kids
Then Robert Adams, a man who lives for crowd interaction, would take people's faces in his hands and look them right in the eye. These men emulated Jesus through their eyes today. Dawson was one of the most tender. He's normally a very energetic person, joking around and being silly. But today he knelt down and smiled at children and gave everyone hugs.
Dawson and the crowd
Ryan gives amazing hugs, and I even caught one before he went on stage for Last Supper. I found myself drawn to the Jesi. I wanted to be next to them. I was soaking up every moment just like the crowd.
After spending so much time with Jesus and his followers, I definitely felt like one of them, like a legit believer. My heart was filled with so much love. I wanted to finally get to finish the show, if not for another reason than to spend more time with him, to see him more. I knew what was coming, but I didn't realize how my experience from the day was going to affect my experience through the rest of the show.
Finally the eleventh show came. Dawson was the final Jesus to perform, and everyone enjoyed interacting with him. Last Supper finished and we all moved on to Gethsemane. Brandon did an amazing job with this scene this year. He was so nervous as a first-time director, but I thought it was fantastic. Jordan is an intense Satan, getting so angry when Jesus repeatedly gave up his will to the Father. I was already starting to shudder when the mob came to get him and beat him down at the end of the scene.
When I got to Pilate's Judgment I had a front-row spot. Cameron, the talented young director was in costume as a mobster and bantered with me a bit about why I should believe in him. It made me think about what I would do if someone was really questioning me on that day in history. All I could think of was what I had witnessed that day--innocence and love. Then finally Jesus was brought out, and I have to praise Dawson's acting abilities. I no longer saw Dawson. And it was looking at his face that kept pulling on my heart. I was already crying by the end of the scene. It was so hard to see the face that had smiled at children and the body that had hugged his followers--had hugged me!--bloodied, shuddering, falling over in pain. He practically crawled to the cross and slowly dragged it down Taylor Circle. I found Andy after a while and he hugged me while I bawled what I was feeling to him. I had to keep up with Jesus, I had to see his face.
Every time I saw his face I just kept thinking--all he did was love people! He truly was innocent! Why were they hurting this man? It was like experiencing it all for the first time. I stayed right behind the disciple/mobster cluster at the front with Jesus. The mobsters were jeering the crowd and the disciples kept throwing themselves on the soldiers, trying to get to Jesus. Then the "Via de la Rosa" song kicked in and I lost it again. We got right behind the line of soldiers so we could close their gap in the front row again. I was front and center as they put him on the cross. He forgave the soldiers for putting the nails in his hands. With his last ounce of strength he told the thief he would be in heaven someday.
It was my sins that held him there. I didn't deserve all the love I had soaked up. It was literally the most unfair situation that has ever occurred, and I was powerless to stop him from dying. It was finished.
We made our way to wait in line for the final scenes in the gym. People were saying how it was a ticketed performance and that they might give me trouble for not having a ticket or an official staff shirt on. All I knew was that I needed to see that resurrection. My sins had killed him, and I needed to see God's power defeat them.
They let me in without too much trouble and we found our seats.
Mary, Mother of Jesus cried and screamed at the death of her son. Mary Magdalene expressed her grief for losing the only man who had the right to judge her, but only loved her. And then that song began to play.
I know it so well--from years past, from looking it up when I'm missing SonRise. If you know me, then you know how music moves me, and this song is particularly exceptional. I hope you get to at least listen to the song, and I hope you can somehow see how they act it out on stage. After the soldiers finally flee, Satan stalks the stage, thinking he's victorious. And then Gabriel shows up and battles him, finally punching him off the stage, burning the seal on the tomb and rolling away the tomb. I was leaning forward in my seat, gripping Rachel as we both cried. I could barely breathe, straining and waiting for Jesus to finally "arise." My favorite part finally came:
"Sin: where are your shackles?
Death: where is your sting?
Hell has been defeated
The grave could not hold the king.
Arise, my love. Arise, my love!
No more death's sting
No more suffering
Arise, Arise!"
And then he finally appeared out of the tomb with a bright light, no more blood and smiling widely, and I was complete. It had been a full, long, blessed day. I had fallen in love with Jesus in a new way, deeper than ever before. I just needed one more hug from Dawson, fellowship with my fellow SonRisers, and a moment alone on our empty stage.
I have a thing for clouds♥
Thank you to every cast and crew member, but especially those who made my experience today. I know we put on this production to teach thousands of other people about Jesus, but today SonRise was a pivotal experience in my life, and I'm eternally grateful.
As I told Ryan Moore afterwards: "All I can say is: Thank God for the resurrection."
Friday, April 22, 2011
SonRise: Before the Dawn
I can't believe SonRise is mere hours away. It feels like we've been working on it for so long, and it's hard to believe that our efforts will finally be on display.
Things haven't gone as smoothly as I would've liked. We had some interesting issues with cast this year: having people show up, working with unique interpretations, dealing with a lot of changes from what we're used to. But I think it's really come together, and God will bless this production one more time.
I really need this SonRise. My spirituality has gone on a vacation, and that's hard to admit when you're the director of two scenes in SonRise. I need to experience this production just as much as the people who have never talked to Jesus before.
I'm praying that we are able to touch as many souls as possible, but I'm also praying that my soul is stirred up and pointed back in the direction it needs to be.
Things haven't gone as smoothly as I would've liked. We had some interesting issues with cast this year: having people show up, working with unique interpretations, dealing with a lot of changes from what we're used to. But I think it's really come together, and God will bless this production one more time.
I really need this SonRise. My spirituality has gone on a vacation, and that's hard to admit when you're the director of two scenes in SonRise. I need to experience this production just as much as the people who have never talked to Jesus before.
I'm praying that we are able to touch as many souls as possible, but I'm also praying that my soul is stirred up and pointed back in the direction it needs to be.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Final Project: Accomplished
So I'm finally done with this semester! And my prize project is this final project for Digital Video Production.
Our assignment was to make a promo video for some organization in the community. I chose FLAG Camp, which you can learn about in a minute ;)
The process was actually pretty simple. I went out with them on two separate Saturdays, lugging my tripod and borrowed camera. The first day was GORGEOUS. Lots of sun and perfect temperature. The second day was completely overcast and freezing, which is usually good because of the diffused lighting. But in my case, it was not giving me continuity from my first shoot, and the clouds would sometimes part and the sun would kind of shine, which messed up my white balance constantly. Luckily, I had gotten a lot of what I needed the first day, but I still used some of the shots from the second, pumping up the brightness so no one (hopefully) would notice the contrast in color temperature and intensity of light.
Between those main days of shooting, I pre-interviewed and then shot the interviews of three of the main directors of FLAG Camp. The pre-interviewing was really just out of necessity for me because we were required to turn in a script a week before the final video was due. I didn't have time to set up a shoot for them, so I just downloaded a voice recording app on my Droid X and talked to them for like 45 minutes. I then transcribed the quotes I liked and arranged them into an order I liked for my script. And when it came to editing, I was really happy I had a script to follow. It took the work of deciding what it was going to look like off of my shoulders. I already knew. (Thanks Ruf!) I also have a habit of labeling my clips when I go through them for the first time, so that keeps things organized and the clips easily accessible (provided I can remember what I named them!).
Editing is my favorite part, and it went really well--except for a minor scare when the server decided to play hide-and-seek-the-project and mess with my adrenal glands and tear ducts. Ruf saved the day, and all was well with the world. Anyway, the first parts to go in were the sound bites that I had planned out in order. Then it was music-picking time! Annalisa was hanging out with me that day, and we headed to OmniMusic.com, typed in the ridiculous password that Southern chose (to keep everyone from getting their hands on vast-quantities of stock music...?), and started looking for fun songs. We pretty much knew it was the one when we found it. We played with a few, but that one just sounded so fresh, so upbeat.
Then it was intro time! I had a couple clips in mind already, including the opening shot which I had planned as soon as I saw they were wearing their special t-shirts. After the intro came together, it was really pretty simple. Something I had also consciously planned, was matching the words from the sound bites to the images. It may be like a DUH thing to some people, but I guess it was a lesson I realized from this class. So I dug up the images that I thought expressed what they were saying and dropped them in my timeline.
Pretty much all that was left was volume management and color correction. And then I was done! It was probably about ten hours of editing, give or take an hour or two. And maybe 12 hours of shooting, counting set-up and take-down.
So, without further ado, here is my final project.
Things I learned from this project:
1. Kids are hard to shoot! Especially many, many young children.
(A) They do not ask for permission to manhandle your equipment, or they ask and manhandle it anyway. They also like to try to steal tripods and yell into the microphone.
(B) They also move really quickly. Sometimes I felt like I was just throwing the camera in their direction trying to catch something cute.
(C) I don't know how to interview children. The young ones freeze up and don't know how to comprehend English suddenly, and the older ones talk over each other and can't stand still. And I just don't know how to get good answers out of children.
2. Lighting is not my strong point, but I think the main concepts are finally starting to stick to my brain. The lighting for my shoot took forever to set up, because after I set it all up the night before (thanks Michael!), someone walked off with my key light the next morning. Soft-box and all. So I was scrambling and grabbing random people to help me decide if I should just shoot with two or try to finagle a third diffused light somehow. Ruf finally came to the rescue again, and helped me set up another light. Something about it never seemed right, and when I looked at the footage later I didn't like how you can really tell that it's a sheet hanging in the background. Next time I would like to fix that. I think it's decent though, just not super professional-looking.
3. I really enjoy editing :)
Our assignment was to make a promo video for some organization in the community. I chose FLAG Camp, which you can learn about in a minute ;)
The process was actually pretty simple. I went out with them on two separate Saturdays, lugging my tripod and borrowed camera. The first day was GORGEOUS. Lots of sun and perfect temperature. The second day was completely overcast and freezing, which is usually good because of the diffused lighting. But in my case, it was not giving me continuity from my first shoot, and the clouds would sometimes part and the sun would kind of shine, which messed up my white balance constantly. Luckily, I had gotten a lot of what I needed the first day, but I still used some of the shots from the second, pumping up the brightness so no one (hopefully) would notice the contrast in color temperature and intensity of light.
Between those main days of shooting, I pre-interviewed and then shot the interviews of three of the main directors of FLAG Camp. The pre-interviewing was really just out of necessity for me because we were required to turn in a script a week before the final video was due. I didn't have time to set up a shoot for them, so I just downloaded a voice recording app on my Droid X and talked to them for like 45 minutes. I then transcribed the quotes I liked and arranged them into an order I liked for my script. And when it came to editing, I was really happy I had a script to follow. It took the work of deciding what it was going to look like off of my shoulders. I already knew. (Thanks Ruf!) I also have a habit of labeling my clips when I go through them for the first time, so that keeps things organized and the clips easily accessible (provided I can remember what I named them!).
Editing is my favorite part, and it went really well--except for a minor scare when the server decided to play hide-and-seek-the-project and mess with my adrenal glands and tear ducts. Ruf saved the day, and all was well with the world. Anyway, the first parts to go in were the sound bites that I had planned out in order. Then it was music-picking time! Annalisa was hanging out with me that day, and we headed to OmniMusic.com, typed in the ridiculous password that Southern chose (to keep everyone from getting their hands on vast-quantities of stock music...?), and started looking for fun songs. We pretty much knew it was the one when we found it. We played with a few, but that one just sounded so fresh, so upbeat.
Then it was intro time! I had a couple clips in mind already, including the opening shot which I had planned as soon as I saw they were wearing their special t-shirts. After the intro came together, it was really pretty simple. Something I had also consciously planned, was matching the words from the sound bites to the images. It may be like a DUH thing to some people, but I guess it was a lesson I realized from this class. So I dug up the images that I thought expressed what they were saying and dropped them in my timeline.
Pretty much all that was left was volume management and color correction. And then I was done! It was probably about ten hours of editing, give or take an hour or two. And maybe 12 hours of shooting, counting set-up and take-down.
So, without further ado, here is my final project.
Things I learned from this project:
1. Kids are hard to shoot! Especially many, many young children.
(A) They do not ask for permission to manhandle your equipment, or they ask and manhandle it anyway. They also like to try to steal tripods and yell into the microphone.
(B) They also move really quickly. Sometimes I felt like I was just throwing the camera in their direction trying to catch something cute.
(C) I don't know how to interview children. The young ones freeze up and don't know how to comprehend English suddenly, and the older ones talk over each other and can't stand still. And I just don't know how to get good answers out of children.
2. Lighting is not my strong point, but I think the main concepts are finally starting to stick to my brain. The lighting for my shoot took forever to set up, because after I set it all up the night before (thanks Michael!), someone walked off with my key light the next morning. Soft-box and all. So I was scrambling and grabbing random people to help me decide if I should just shoot with two or try to finagle a third diffused light somehow. Ruf finally came to the rescue again, and helped me set up another light. Something about it never seemed right, and when I looked at the footage later I didn't like how you can really tell that it's a sheet hanging in the background. Next time I would like to fix that. I think it's decent though, just not super professional-looking.
3. I really enjoy editing :)
Caught up!
After much tribulation and struggling to figure out what comes next, I have finally gotten caught up on my script!
Today I was supposed to be at 66.6 pages, and I got to 67! I'm super duper stoked. Yesterday and the day before I finally wrote out what I wanted from the next section, so I'd know where I was going. Then I wrote for most of my four hour shift at work today, and got almost ten pages done! Thus, caught up I am.
I'm really enjoying this challenge! It really is the worst month to do it, but somehow it's working out! And I super loving being a writer. My characters are definitely coming into their own, and the story is just working itself out. I update my roommate on them as if I've been watching a soap opera (the two oldest of which just got cancelled: sad day for stay-at-homers everywhere).
I can already see parts that will need to be re-written, a process that I'm actually looking forward to, even though I didn't think I would. For example, the younger sister needs to have more edge, more teenage flippantness (thanks for reminding Kylee). So that will need to be more apparent in the beginning, and then it'll make more sense that she actually goes through a little bit of a transition, and that you actually realize she has thought about her future and wants to do good things. And as other things come out about the characters (that I didn't even know before), I realize I may need to set them up differently.
Anyway, just wanted to say that I'm really excited about how this is going and how much fun I'm having.
Ciao!
Today I was supposed to be at 66.6 pages, and I got to 67! I'm super duper stoked. Yesterday and the day before I finally wrote out what I wanted from the next section, so I'd know where I was going. Then I wrote for most of my four hour shift at work today, and got almost ten pages done! Thus, caught up I am.
I'm really enjoying this challenge! It really is the worst month to do it, but somehow it's working out! And I super loving being a writer. My characters are definitely coming into their own, and the story is just working itself out. I update my roommate on them as if I've been watching a soap opera (the two oldest of which just got cancelled: sad day for stay-at-homers everywhere).
I can already see parts that will need to be re-written, a process that I'm actually looking forward to, even though I didn't think I would. For example, the younger sister needs to have more edge, more teenage flippantness (thanks for reminding Kylee). So that will need to be more apparent in the beginning, and then it'll make more sense that she actually goes through a little bit of a transition, and that you actually realize she has thought about her future and wants to do good things. And as other things come out about the characters (that I didn't even know before), I realize I may need to set them up differently.
Anyway, just wanted to say that I'm really excited about how this is going and how much fun I'm having.
Ciao!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
One fourth!
I'm a fourth of the way there! Twenty five pages. I'm very excited.
I wasn't sure how committed I would be, or if I could stick to the story. But I'm doing it! And it's going pretty well. I have gotten a lot of what I planned into the script, and I have a few events still to go, but I'm starting to dip into unknown territory. It makes writing a little halted and harder, but it's also cool because I have the confidence to just keep writing and see what comes out.
I think my horrible self-criticism has really subsided. It's great because I'm not afraid to make mistakes, or erase seven pages of notes and try something new. It doesn't have to be perfect the first time, and that's what this challenge is all about!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Crawl.
This is one of my all-time favorite songs. [Thank you Rachel!]
Don't watch the video; it's really lame, compared to the epicness of the music.
Put on some really good headphones, sit back, close your eyes, and let the music move you.
Don't think about it as just a love story.
Think about what's hard, but worth working hard for in life.
The stuff that requires baby steps before you can fly.
I have a spectacular idea for a better video for this song.
It inspires me just thinking about it, but I'm not going to post about it because I don't want it to get stolen ;)
Senior project? Ehh?
Monday, April 4, 2011
Script Intro
This is the beginning of my script, just to give you a taste. Formatting on here is weird, but I tried.
FADE IN
EXT. DAY - BEACH
It's warm. EMERY is sitting on the beach, looking at the water, the waves, digging her toes in the sand, soaking up the sun, not very close to the water.
EMERY V.O.
I love the beach...
But I don't like the ocean.
I don't like feeling like I'm not in charge,
like I'm out of control.
I love the warmth, the smell,
the sounds, but I don't like chaos.
Pan or cut to BAILEY, ZOE, and LAUREN playing in the water. Focus on Bailey, laughing and diving and falling.
BAILEY V.O.
The ocean is what freedom feels like:
it's wild and crazy and powerful,
and makes me feel alive.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Script Frenzy Day 3
Day 3 and I'm finally off the ground! I didn't quite meet the quota yet, but I've been working on a lot of stuff in my head and on paper.
The basic plot:
We follow two sisters, Emery and Bailey, during separate post-graduation summer adventures, where they learn about love, life, and following their true passions.
Emery has just graduated from college pre-law, and has planned to attend Harvard Law in the fall. Her father is a lawyer, and Emery has always tried to do what everyone else says is right for her. She likes to be in control; she doesn't like chaos. Secretly, she's passionate about dance, but she doesn't like to tell anyone because it doesn't seem to be useful for her plans. She also doesn't want to date anyone because it would just get in the way and cause her to lose focus. She is staying with her aunt and uncle at their house near a Virginia beach for the summer. She's taking a dance class for "exercise." But she's going to meet Oliver, a musician/songwriter who plans not to plan. He goes where the wind blows him. His parents died when he was younger. He wants to connect with people and inspire and be inspired, but he is afraid of staying too close for too long.
Bailey has just graduated high school and along with her two friends is traveling to San Diego for a summer volleyball training program, before they start college there in the fall. Bailey is, under pressure of being a teenager and from her peers, is trying to push her limits, be a little wild. They experiment with a little drinking a little sex, but Bailey starts to realize that it's not fulfilling. She secretly wants to write; she's been writing poetry her whole life. After an incident that injures their car, she takes the car to a shop and meets mid-twenties Phillip, who is working his way through night school. He's a little older, but intrigued by her, sensing that there's more to her than partying like her friends. She is intrigued by him, not into the partying scene and working so hard for his passions. The summer results in some interesting experiences, including a pregnancy scare and learning the hard way about love and relationships.
The sisters are kind of different, and have very different experiences, but in the end they will learn similar lessons and grow as young adults, with at least one of them gaining a love to keep.
I'm excited to have this much planned out! I have 8 pages validated on the website right now, almost to my quota for today. Special thanks to Kylee for fixing my storyline problems and Lexi for helping me with some details :)
The basic plot:
We follow two sisters, Emery and Bailey, during separate post-graduation summer adventures, where they learn about love, life, and following their true passions.
Emery has just graduated from college pre-law, and has planned to attend Harvard Law in the fall. Her father is a lawyer, and Emery has always tried to do what everyone else says is right for her. She likes to be in control; she doesn't like chaos. Secretly, she's passionate about dance, but she doesn't like to tell anyone because it doesn't seem to be useful for her plans. She also doesn't want to date anyone because it would just get in the way and cause her to lose focus. She is staying with her aunt and uncle at their house near a Virginia beach for the summer. She's taking a dance class for "exercise." But she's going to meet Oliver, a musician/songwriter who plans not to plan. He goes where the wind blows him. His parents died when he was younger. He wants to connect with people and inspire and be inspired, but he is afraid of staying too close for too long.
Bailey has just graduated high school and along with her two friends is traveling to San Diego for a summer volleyball training program, before they start college there in the fall. Bailey is, under pressure of being a teenager and from her peers, is trying to push her limits, be a little wild. They experiment with a little drinking a little sex, but Bailey starts to realize that it's not fulfilling. She secretly wants to write; she's been writing poetry her whole life. After an incident that injures their car, she takes the car to a shop and meets mid-twenties Phillip, who is working his way through night school. He's a little older, but intrigued by her, sensing that there's more to her than partying like her friends. She is intrigued by him, not into the partying scene and working so hard for his passions. The summer results in some interesting experiences, including a pregnancy scare and learning the hard way about love and relationships.
The sisters are kind of different, and have very different experiences, but in the end they will learn similar lessons and grow as young adults, with at least one of them gaining a love to keep.
I'm excited to have this much planned out! I have 8 pages validated on the website right now, almost to my quota for today. Special thanks to Kylee for fixing my storyline problems and Lexi for helping me with some details :)
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Script Frenzy Day 2
That's right, I'm skipping Day 1, because I didn't do anything :/
I still haven't written anything exactly, but I'm still developing the characters. I think it's going to be even harder than I thought to fit all this in, but I'm determined to give it a fightin' try!
I'm still mulling things over in my head, sometimes all through the day, so it's not like I'm doing nothing. I'll post soon about my story line!
Almost in a frenzy,
Jana
I still haven't written anything exactly, but I'm still developing the characters. I think it's going to be even harder than I thought to fit all this in, but I'm determined to give it a fightin' try!
I'm still mulling things over in my head, sometimes all through the day, so it's not like I'm doing nothing. I'll post soon about my story line!
Almost in a frenzy,
Jana
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Where'd March go?
So apparently January was blog month for me. But now here I am, on the verge of April, and barely posting again.
I meant to post two blogs about volunteering with Extreme Makeover. That might still happen.
Lately:
SonRise is here again! We're in week three of practices, but for my scene (Last Supper) we're having trouble getting people to show up. We haven't made any of the none-speaking disciples come yet because the focus has just been getting the Jesus actors to memorize their lines, but now it's time to start building the scene! So I hope they show up...
Also, our final digital video production project has been assigned: community promo, and work with a real client. I'm going to try to do mine on Flag Camp, a campus ministry that plays with and worships with kids in low-income housing twice a month. This project is supposed to be one that we put in our portfolios, and it's worth a lot for our final grade, so I hope I can pull off a good one! I wish it was going to be done before my internship interview in Atlanta next week, but my other projects will have to suffice for showing off my skillz.
Last but not least, script frenzy starts this week! I haven't written anything creative, besides music, since junior high, so I'm definitely nervous. But I'm also getting really excited as I develop my characters! The timing of this event couldn't come at a worse time, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Even if I only get half to the goal (100 pages), I will feel accomplished. I'm glad I've gotten a few friends to suffer with me! I'll try to keep this updated on my progress through the month.
Let the chaos begin!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Please, come back for them.
Don't come back for me.
Come for the father who carries his disabled son through triathlons.
Come for the babies whose daddies don't come back from war the same, if at all.
Come back so my friend can see his mom again.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the daughters who think touch equals love.
Come for the ones whose shattered homes cannot show them how to love.
Come back for the one who was so beautiful, then one car collision forever changed what's normal.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the singing African babies, born with a death sentence.
Come for the ones who know nothing but hunger pain and cold concrete, just down the street from my hot chocolate.
Come back for the those who lived in shacks, and now the rubble of shacks.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the father who carries his disabled son through triathlons.
Come for the babies whose daddies don't come back from war the same, if at all.
Come back so my friend can see his mom again.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the daughters who think touch equals love.
Come for the ones whose shattered homes cannot show them how to love.
Come back for the one who was so beautiful, then one car collision forever changed what's normal.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the singing African babies, born with a death sentence.
Come for the ones who know nothing but hunger pain and cold concrete, just down the street from my hot chocolate.
Come back for the those who lived in shacks, and now the rubble of shacks.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Doubt.
Sometimes I doubt God.
I doubt why He loves me. People say, "He created you, so that's why He loves you."
I don't love everything I create. I know some people who hate what they've created.
Remembering that we are made in His image, that we bear resemblance to God, does help some. That feels pretty special. But it doesn't quite clinch it every time.
So in my mind, just because God created me doesn't mean that He automatically loves me.
But that wasn't all He did.
He could've just let us go about our sinful business, especially after we turned our backs on him, first at the Tree, and then countless times after that. Even after He gave humanity a second change via the ark. We messed up again, and He could've thrown up His hands and let us run a muck, or wiped us all out and started over.
But He didn't. He didn't abandon us, and he didn't give us a mediocre treatment.
He sacrificed His son, His only child, just so that we could be saved from ourselves.
And all I have to do is believe.
Believe through my doubts, that even those can and will be wiped away. Because belief is contagious. It's like anything you practice: the more you practice, the better you are at it. Especially, it seems, when you share it with someone else.
I think that's been one of my problems lately. I haven't been connecting with many people on a spiritual level. And isn't that the most important one? I know it is, but this thing called University Living gets in the way, but I'm tired of that being an excuse.
I'm also tired of the Adventist bubble. (This post should probably be separated into three, whups.) This has been on my mind a lot lately, and my friends seem to agree. I have never done anything outside the SDA world, except a one-week theater camp when I was 13. Don't get me wrong, I love Adventists, I believe in Adventism and our institutions, I am grateful for all my experiences and my upbringing, and that I have been kept safe in the bubble all this time. But I think it really stunts my growth sometimes. I don't want that to be an excuse, but I'm tired of trying the same old things and getting the same non- or blah-results.
A friend has encouraged me to go back to the basics. And when tempted with sin, to not focus on the sin itself, but the voice in my head that tells me I'm not worthy of God's love.
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." -James 4:7
The Message paraphrase says to "Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper." I like the imagery of a weak devil.
This is a little ramble-y, but I've just been working through some thoughts. Your suggestions and prayers and testimonies are welcome :)
I doubt why He loves me. People say, "He created you, so that's why He loves you."
I don't love everything I create. I know some people who hate what they've created.
Remembering that we are made in His image, that we bear resemblance to God, does help some. That feels pretty special. But it doesn't quite clinch it every time.
So in my mind, just because God created me doesn't mean that He automatically loves me.
But that wasn't all He did.
He could've just let us go about our sinful business, especially after we turned our backs on him, first at the Tree, and then countless times after that. Even after He gave humanity a second change via the ark. We messed up again, and He could've thrown up His hands and let us run a muck, or wiped us all out and started over.
But He didn't. He didn't abandon us, and he didn't give us a mediocre treatment.
He sacrificed His son, His only child, just so that we could be saved from ourselves.
And all I have to do is believe.
Believe through my doubts, that even those can and will be wiped away. Because belief is contagious. It's like anything you practice: the more you practice, the better you are at it. Especially, it seems, when you share it with someone else.
I think that's been one of my problems lately. I haven't been connecting with many people on a spiritual level. And isn't that the most important one? I know it is, but this thing called University Living gets in the way, but I'm tired of that being an excuse.
I'm also tired of the Adventist bubble. (This post should probably be separated into three, whups.) This has been on my mind a lot lately, and my friends seem to agree. I have never done anything outside the SDA world, except a one-week theater camp when I was 13. Don't get me wrong, I love Adventists, I believe in Adventism and our institutions, I am grateful for all my experiences and my upbringing, and that I have been kept safe in the bubble all this time. But I think it really stunts my growth sometimes. I don't want that to be an excuse, but I'm tired of trying the same old things and getting the same non- or blah-results.
A friend has encouraged me to go back to the basics. And when tempted with sin, to not focus on the sin itself, but the voice in my head that tells me I'm not worthy of God's love.
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." -James 4:7
The Message paraphrase says to "Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper." I like the imagery of a weak devil.
This is a little ramble-y, but I've just been working through some thoughts. Your suggestions and prayers and testimonies are welcome :)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Tangibility.
So I'm a very touchy person:
I can't cut the habit of twirling my hair in my fingers.
I love playing my guitar really loud and feeling it vibrate against my body.
I have a bad habit of fingering the remaining pages of whatever book I'm reading.
I used to crunch massive quantities of ice.
My number one love language is physical touch.
I'm also very into the other senses:
I have to smell new foods before I try them (IF I try them!).
I love to taste my favorites foods!
I love designing and appreciate good design, as well as using as many colors in my wardrobe and on my homework (what am I, in third grade? =P).
Music is most definitely at the core of who I am.
One word: skydiving!
I don't know if everyone else relishes being in tune to their senses, but I certainly do. We discussed in a class recently that the more sensory an experience, the fuller it is and the more it means to you.
I think this is one reason that, at least for me, it's so hard to trust God. He's not tangible. I can't enjoy touching Him; I can't smell Him before I take Him in; I can't hear what He says to me. As someone who relies on and enjoys my senses (I just twirled my hair), it's hard to rely on someone whom I can't sense.
Or can I?
Have I not stared out over a valley or a waterfall, in awe of what my Creator created for me to see?
Have I not felt God's presence when someone comforted me with a hug in rough times?
Have I not been in awe of the endless varieties of foods and combinations of tastes?
How many times have smells triggered powerful memories of spending time with God in the mountains?
Has a piece of music not stirred to me to tears, praising God for the beauty that I can hear?
Better yet, how many times has someone encouraged me or preached a sermon that has changed my heart?
Touched my heart?
That's the best sense.
And to take this one step further, from an earlier post, I can apply this verse:
"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:21
I can't cut the habit of twirling my hair in my fingers.
I love playing my guitar really loud and feeling it vibrate against my body.
I have a bad habit of fingering the remaining pages of whatever book I'm reading.
I used to crunch massive quantities of ice.
My number one love language is physical touch.
I'm also very into the other senses:
I have to smell new foods before I try them (IF I try them!).
I love to taste my favorites foods!
I love designing and appreciate good design, as well as using as many colors in my wardrobe and on my homework (what am I, in third grade? =P).
Music is most definitely at the core of who I am.
One word: skydiving!
I don't know if everyone else relishes being in tune to their senses, but I certainly do. We discussed in a class recently that the more sensory an experience, the fuller it is and the more it means to you.
I think this is one reason that, at least for me, it's so hard to trust God. He's not tangible. I can't enjoy touching Him; I can't smell Him before I take Him in; I can't hear what He says to me. As someone who relies on and enjoys my senses (I just twirled my hair), it's hard to rely on someone whom I can't sense.
Or can I?
Have I not stared out over a valley or a waterfall, in awe of what my Creator created for me to see?
Have I not felt God's presence when someone comforted me with a hug in rough times?
Have I not been in awe of the endless varieties of foods and combinations of tastes?
How many times have smells triggered powerful memories of spending time with God in the mountains?
Has a piece of music not stirred to me to tears, praising God for the beauty that I can hear?
Better yet, how many times has someone encouraged me or preached a sermon that has changed my heart?
Touched my heart?
That's the best sense.
And to take this one step further, from an earlier post, I can apply this verse:
"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:21
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Musterless.
Why is it that in my dreams I never have been able to muster up the strength to hurt someone?
I mean when the situation calls for it, when I really need to hit or kick someone, I can't make my blows land effectively.
The other night I dreamed I was being attacked by a man, and he had me on the ground. I was wiggling and trying with all my might to kick him away, but I just couldn't kick him as hard as I know I could in real life. When I woke up, I realized this is how it always is when I need to attack in my dreams. Why am I musterless? Has anyone else felt this way?
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Eating = glory?
As I review memory verses for my Christian Beliefs cereal and chomp down on Corn Chex with Silk, I come across this verse:
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31
...and I wonder, how can eating be to the glory of God?
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31
...and I wonder, how can eating be to the glory of God?
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Mid-College Crisis
I don't know what I want to do with my life.
Correction: I want to do too many things. And money is a factor.
If I could just identify what my true passion is, I would trust God and bounce into the abyss, not caring about money. But I can't seem to nail it down.
The first week of this semester I changed my emphasis from New Media (internet, journalism convergence) to Media Production (video, tv). But some days I don't want to make television.
Some days, I think I want to make movies. But being a film major means being here a lot longer. And I am so not guaranteed a job. And I'd have to live in LA. Plus, film majors are really cool and dedicated. What if I didn't fit in? What if I started over and then found out it was the wrong fit.
Some days, I think that if I could just make music for the rest of life I'd be happy. But lets be real: I don't even have enough songs written for an EP right now. I'm too scared of what I think to write. And again, I probably wouldn't make any money.
Some days, I want to be a missionary. I have always wanted to, and I still plan on being one at some point or points in my life. Some days, I think that I should just give up America and help people elsewhere. Learn new languages and feed the hungry and tell people about Jesus. But I haven't done it yet. I don't know if I'm scared and that's why, or too comfortable with my America life, or what...
Some days I just want someone to tell me what to do. I enjoy being an almost-adult for the most part. I like being able to make some decisions on my own, the day-to-day responsibilities. But what if my day-to-day is putting me in the wrong direction for my future year-to-year?
Why do I have to worry about money? It's not fair.
And why don't I have the cojones to give my complete academic life/career to God? Would that even be the end-all answer?
I'm frustrated.
Correction: I want to do too many things. And money is a factor.
If I could just identify what my true passion is, I would trust God and bounce into the abyss, not caring about money. But I can't seem to nail it down.
The first week of this semester I changed my emphasis from New Media (internet, journalism convergence) to Media Production (video, tv). But some days I don't want to make television.
Some days, I think I want to make movies. But being a film major means being here a lot longer. And I am so not guaranteed a job. And I'd have to live in LA. Plus, film majors are really cool and dedicated. What if I didn't fit in? What if I started over and then found out it was the wrong fit.
Some days, I think that if I could just make music for the rest of life I'd be happy. But lets be real: I don't even have enough songs written for an EP right now. I'm too scared of what I think to write. And again, I probably wouldn't make any money.
Some days, I want to be a missionary. I have always wanted to, and I still plan on being one at some point or points in my life. Some days, I think that I should just give up America and help people elsewhere. Learn new languages and feed the hungry and tell people about Jesus. But I haven't done it yet. I don't know if I'm scared and that's why, or too comfortable with my America life, or what...
Some days I just want someone to tell me what to do. I enjoy being an almost-adult for the most part. I like being able to make some decisions on my own, the day-to-day responsibilities. But what if my day-to-day is putting me in the wrong direction for my future year-to-year?
Why do I have to worry about money? It's not fair.
And why don't I have the cojones to give my complete academic life/career to God? Would that even be the end-all answer?
I'm frustrated.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Lyrics + Melody = My happy soul.
Some lyrics that have inspired me today...
"I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I walk to the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day
So why should I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need!
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong"
'Your Love is Strong' by Jon Foreman
"I can finally see
That you're right there beside me
I am not my own
For I have been made new
Please don't let me go
I desperately need you"
I am not my own
For I have been made new
Please don't let me go
I desperately need you"
'Meteor Shower' by Owl City
"The boy only wanted to give Mother something
And all of her roses had bloomed
Looking at her as he came rushing in with them
Knowing her roses were doomed
All she could see were some thorns buried deep
And the tears that he cried as she tended his wounds
And she knew it was love
It was one she could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
He still remembers that night as child
On his mother's knee
She held him close and she opened her bible
And quietly started to read
And seeing a picture of Jesus he cried out
"Momma, he's got some scars just like me."
And he knew it was love
It was one he could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands"
Looking at her as he came rushing in with them
Knowing her roses were doomed
All she could see were some thorns buried deep
And the tears that he cried as she tended his wounds
And she knew it was love
It was one she could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
He still remembers that night as child
On his mother's knee
She held him close and she opened her bible
And quietly started to read
And seeing a picture of Jesus he cried out
"Momma, he's got some scars just like me."
And he knew it was love
It was one he could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands"
'The Hand Song' by Nickel Creek
Look them up sometime; they're really pretty as well as powerful!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Favorite Moment of Week #1
My favorite moment of Cub Camp (Week 1).
Patty (age 7, half sitting in my lap): "I miss my mommy and my daddy and my brother."
Me: "I miss my mom and dad and sister too."
*pause*
Patty: "When you or any of the staff here hugs me it feels like my mommy."
Me: *heart melts*
Patty (age 7, half sitting in my lap): "I miss my mommy and my daddy and my brother."
Me: "I miss my mom and dad and sister too."
*pause*
Patty: "When you or any of the staff here hugs me it feels like my mommy."
Me: *heart melts*
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I'm in a good place...
...in more ways than one.
First of all, I'm at Camp Wawona, located in the lovely Yosemite National Park. I'm surrounded by 55-ish amazing staff members. They all make me want to be a better person.
Second of all, God and I are on great terms. A couple of weeks ago as I laid in my bed to sleep, I realized I hadn't prayed in a while. Like really prayed. So I jumped up and grabbed my journal. I spilled how I was feeling on the pages and immediately felt better. It was like my soul sighed and said, "It's good to be back." I remembered once again where I was meant to be--walking with God.
How cool is it that we are privileged enough to have the honor of being best friends with the Creator of the universe? That blows my mind. And I get to spend my summer sharing that good news with young people. I just hope I don't get in the way. That's my prayer recently, and one thing I wrote on my "remembrance rock" from our staff communion. It sits by my bed to remind me of what I want from God this summer. I want to add to it what Sonya shared with us in staff worship this morning, but Corinthians 13 won't fit. ;) I want to love better, because love truly is the most important part of life, on this earth or beyond. Because of that, it's also what hurts us the most, and I can't say that I'm not without my own difficulties in that area. But the more I trade my desires for God's desires, the better my quality of life. It's my prayer that you succeed in this area too.
I should go--the kiddies are almost back from the pool. God bless. :)
First of all, I'm at Camp Wawona, located in the lovely Yosemite National Park. I'm surrounded by 55-ish amazing staff members. They all make me want to be a better person.
Second of all, God and I are on great terms. A couple of weeks ago as I laid in my bed to sleep, I realized I hadn't prayed in a while. Like really prayed. So I jumped up and grabbed my journal. I spilled how I was feeling on the pages and immediately felt better. It was like my soul sighed and said, "It's good to be back." I remembered once again where I was meant to be--walking with God.
How cool is it that we are privileged enough to have the honor of being best friends with the Creator of the universe? That blows my mind. And I get to spend my summer sharing that good news with young people. I just hope I don't get in the way. That's my prayer recently, and one thing I wrote on my "remembrance rock" from our staff communion. It sits by my bed to remind me of what I want from God this summer. I want to add to it what Sonya shared with us in staff worship this morning, but Corinthians 13 won't fit. ;) I want to love better, because love truly is the most important part of life, on this earth or beyond. Because of that, it's also what hurts us the most, and I can't say that I'm not without my own difficulties in that area. But the more I trade my desires for God's desires, the better my quality of life. It's my prayer that you succeed in this area too.
I should go--the kiddies are almost back from the pool. God bless. :)
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