I can't believe SonRise is mere hours away. It feels like we've been working on it for so long, and it's hard to believe that our efforts will finally be on display.
Things haven't gone as smoothly as I would've liked. We had some interesting issues with cast this year: having people show up, working with unique interpretations, dealing with a lot of changes from what we're used to. But I think it's really come together, and God will bless this production one more time.
I really need this SonRise. My spirituality has gone on a vacation, and that's hard to admit when you're the director of two scenes in SonRise. I need to experience this production just as much as the people who have never talked to Jesus before.
I'm praying that we are able to touch as many souls as possible, but I'm also praying that my soul is stirred up and pointed back in the direction it needs to be.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Friday, April 22, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Please, come back for them.
Don't come back for me.
Come for the father who carries his disabled son through triathlons.
Come for the babies whose daddies don't come back from war the same, if at all.
Come back so my friend can see his mom again.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the daughters who think touch equals love.
Come for the ones whose shattered homes cannot show them how to love.
Come back for the one who was so beautiful, then one car collision forever changed what's normal.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the singing African babies, born with a death sentence.
Come for the ones who know nothing but hunger pain and cold concrete, just down the street from my hot chocolate.
Come back for the those who lived in shacks, and now the rubble of shacks.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the father who carries his disabled son through triathlons.
Come for the babies whose daddies don't come back from war the same, if at all.
Come back so my friend can see his mom again.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the daughters who think touch equals love.
Come for the ones whose shattered homes cannot show them how to love.
Come back for the one who was so beautiful, then one car collision forever changed what's normal.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the singing African babies, born with a death sentence.
Come for the ones who know nothing but hunger pain and cold concrete, just down the street from my hot chocolate.
Come back for the those who lived in shacks, and now the rubble of shacks.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Doubt.
Sometimes I doubt God.
I doubt why He loves me. People say, "He created you, so that's why He loves you."
I don't love everything I create. I know some people who hate what they've created.
Remembering that we are made in His image, that we bear resemblance to God, does help some. That feels pretty special. But it doesn't quite clinch it every time.
So in my mind, just because God created me doesn't mean that He automatically loves me.
But that wasn't all He did.
He could've just let us go about our sinful business, especially after we turned our backs on him, first at the Tree, and then countless times after that. Even after He gave humanity a second change via the ark. We messed up again, and He could've thrown up His hands and let us run a muck, or wiped us all out and started over.
But He didn't. He didn't abandon us, and he didn't give us a mediocre treatment.
He sacrificed His son, His only child, just so that we could be saved from ourselves.
And all I have to do is believe.
Believe through my doubts, that even those can and will be wiped away. Because belief is contagious. It's like anything you practice: the more you practice, the better you are at it. Especially, it seems, when you share it with someone else.
I think that's been one of my problems lately. I haven't been connecting with many people on a spiritual level. And isn't that the most important one? I know it is, but this thing called University Living gets in the way, but I'm tired of that being an excuse.
I'm also tired of the Adventist bubble. (This post should probably be separated into three, whups.) This has been on my mind a lot lately, and my friends seem to agree. I have never done anything outside the SDA world, except a one-week theater camp when I was 13. Don't get me wrong, I love Adventists, I believe in Adventism and our institutions, I am grateful for all my experiences and my upbringing, and that I have been kept safe in the bubble all this time. But I think it really stunts my growth sometimes. I don't want that to be an excuse, but I'm tired of trying the same old things and getting the same non- or blah-results.
A friend has encouraged me to go back to the basics. And when tempted with sin, to not focus on the sin itself, but the voice in my head that tells me I'm not worthy of God's love.
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." -James 4:7
The Message paraphrase says to "Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper." I like the imagery of a weak devil.
This is a little ramble-y, but I've just been working through some thoughts. Your suggestions and prayers and testimonies are welcome :)
I doubt why He loves me. People say, "He created you, so that's why He loves you."
I don't love everything I create. I know some people who hate what they've created.
Remembering that we are made in His image, that we bear resemblance to God, does help some. That feels pretty special. But it doesn't quite clinch it every time.
So in my mind, just because God created me doesn't mean that He automatically loves me.
But that wasn't all He did.
He could've just let us go about our sinful business, especially after we turned our backs on him, first at the Tree, and then countless times after that. Even after He gave humanity a second change via the ark. We messed up again, and He could've thrown up His hands and let us run a muck, or wiped us all out and started over.
But He didn't. He didn't abandon us, and he didn't give us a mediocre treatment.
He sacrificed His son, His only child, just so that we could be saved from ourselves.
And all I have to do is believe.
Believe through my doubts, that even those can and will be wiped away. Because belief is contagious. It's like anything you practice: the more you practice, the better you are at it. Especially, it seems, when you share it with someone else.
I think that's been one of my problems lately. I haven't been connecting with many people on a spiritual level. And isn't that the most important one? I know it is, but this thing called University Living gets in the way, but I'm tired of that being an excuse.
I'm also tired of the Adventist bubble. (This post should probably be separated into three, whups.) This has been on my mind a lot lately, and my friends seem to agree. I have never done anything outside the SDA world, except a one-week theater camp when I was 13. Don't get me wrong, I love Adventists, I believe in Adventism and our institutions, I am grateful for all my experiences and my upbringing, and that I have been kept safe in the bubble all this time. But I think it really stunts my growth sometimes. I don't want that to be an excuse, but I'm tired of trying the same old things and getting the same non- or blah-results.
A friend has encouraged me to go back to the basics. And when tempted with sin, to not focus on the sin itself, but the voice in my head that tells me I'm not worthy of God's love.
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." -James 4:7
The Message paraphrase says to "Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper." I like the imagery of a weak devil.
This is a little ramble-y, but I've just been working through some thoughts. Your suggestions and prayers and testimonies are welcome :)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Tangibility.
So I'm a very touchy person:
I can't cut the habit of twirling my hair in my fingers.
I love playing my guitar really loud and feeling it vibrate against my body.
I have a bad habit of fingering the remaining pages of whatever book I'm reading.
I used to crunch massive quantities of ice.
My number one love language is physical touch.
I'm also very into the other senses:
I have to smell new foods before I try them (IF I try them!).
I love to taste my favorites foods!
I love designing and appreciate good design, as well as using as many colors in my wardrobe and on my homework (what am I, in third grade? =P).
Music is most definitely at the core of who I am.
One word: skydiving!
I don't know if everyone else relishes being in tune to their senses, but I certainly do. We discussed in a class recently that the more sensory an experience, the fuller it is and the more it means to you.
I think this is one reason that, at least for me, it's so hard to trust God. He's not tangible. I can't enjoy touching Him; I can't smell Him before I take Him in; I can't hear what He says to me. As someone who relies on and enjoys my senses (I just twirled my hair), it's hard to rely on someone whom I can't sense.
Or can I?
Have I not stared out over a valley or a waterfall, in awe of what my Creator created for me to see?
Have I not felt God's presence when someone comforted me with a hug in rough times?
Have I not been in awe of the endless varieties of foods and combinations of tastes?
How many times have smells triggered powerful memories of spending time with God in the mountains?
Has a piece of music not stirred to me to tears, praising God for the beauty that I can hear?
Better yet, how many times has someone encouraged me or preached a sermon that has changed my heart?
Touched my heart?
That's the best sense.
And to take this one step further, from an earlier post, I can apply this verse:
"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:21
I can't cut the habit of twirling my hair in my fingers.
I love playing my guitar really loud and feeling it vibrate against my body.
I have a bad habit of fingering the remaining pages of whatever book I'm reading.
I used to crunch massive quantities of ice.
My number one love language is physical touch.
I'm also very into the other senses:
I have to smell new foods before I try them (IF I try them!).
I love to taste my favorites foods!
I love designing and appreciate good design, as well as using as many colors in my wardrobe and on my homework (what am I, in third grade? =P).
Music is most definitely at the core of who I am.
One word: skydiving!
I don't know if everyone else relishes being in tune to their senses, but I certainly do. We discussed in a class recently that the more sensory an experience, the fuller it is and the more it means to you.
I think this is one reason that, at least for me, it's so hard to trust God. He's not tangible. I can't enjoy touching Him; I can't smell Him before I take Him in; I can't hear what He says to me. As someone who relies on and enjoys my senses (I just twirled my hair), it's hard to rely on someone whom I can't sense.
Or can I?
Have I not stared out over a valley or a waterfall, in awe of what my Creator created for me to see?
Have I not felt God's presence when someone comforted me with a hug in rough times?
Have I not been in awe of the endless varieties of foods and combinations of tastes?
How many times have smells triggered powerful memories of spending time with God in the mountains?
Has a piece of music not stirred to me to tears, praising God for the beauty that I can hear?
Better yet, how many times has someone encouraged me or preached a sermon that has changed my heart?
Touched my heart?
That's the best sense.
And to take this one step further, from an earlier post, I can apply this verse:
"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:21
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Eating = glory?
As I review memory verses for my Christian Beliefs cereal and chomp down on Corn Chex with Silk, I come across this verse:
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31
...and I wonder, how can eating be to the glory of God?
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31
...and I wonder, how can eating be to the glory of God?
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Lyrics + Melody = My happy soul.
Some lyrics that have inspired me today...
"I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I walk to the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day
So why should I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need!
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong"
'Your Love is Strong' by Jon Foreman
"I can finally see
That you're right there beside me
I am not my own
For I have been made new
Please don't let me go
I desperately need you"
I am not my own
For I have been made new
Please don't let me go
I desperately need you"
'Meteor Shower' by Owl City
"The boy only wanted to give Mother something
And all of her roses had bloomed
Looking at her as he came rushing in with them
Knowing her roses were doomed
All she could see were some thorns buried deep
And the tears that he cried as she tended his wounds
And she knew it was love
It was one she could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
He still remembers that night as child
On his mother's knee
She held him close and she opened her bible
And quietly started to read
And seeing a picture of Jesus he cried out
"Momma, he's got some scars just like me."
And he knew it was love
It was one he could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands"
Looking at her as he came rushing in with them
Knowing her roses were doomed
All she could see were some thorns buried deep
And the tears that he cried as she tended his wounds
And she knew it was love
It was one she could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands
He still remembers that night as child
On his mother's knee
She held him close and she opened her bible
And quietly started to read
And seeing a picture of Jesus he cried out
"Momma, he's got some scars just like me."
And he knew it was love
It was one he could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands"
'The Hand Song' by Nickel Creek
Look them up sometime; they're really pretty as well as powerful!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I'm in a good place...
...in more ways than one.
First of all, I'm at Camp Wawona, located in the lovely Yosemite National Park. I'm surrounded by 55-ish amazing staff members. They all make me want to be a better person.
Second of all, God and I are on great terms. A couple of weeks ago as I laid in my bed to sleep, I realized I hadn't prayed in a while. Like really prayed. So I jumped up and grabbed my journal. I spilled how I was feeling on the pages and immediately felt better. It was like my soul sighed and said, "It's good to be back." I remembered once again where I was meant to be--walking with God.
How cool is it that we are privileged enough to have the honor of being best friends with the Creator of the universe? That blows my mind. And I get to spend my summer sharing that good news with young people. I just hope I don't get in the way. That's my prayer recently, and one thing I wrote on my "remembrance rock" from our staff communion. It sits by my bed to remind me of what I want from God this summer. I want to add to it what Sonya shared with us in staff worship this morning, but Corinthians 13 won't fit. ;) I want to love better, because love truly is the most important part of life, on this earth or beyond. Because of that, it's also what hurts us the most, and I can't say that I'm not without my own difficulties in that area. But the more I trade my desires for God's desires, the better my quality of life. It's my prayer that you succeed in this area too.
I should go--the kiddies are almost back from the pool. God bless. :)
First of all, I'm at Camp Wawona, located in the lovely Yosemite National Park. I'm surrounded by 55-ish amazing staff members. They all make me want to be a better person.
Second of all, God and I are on great terms. A couple of weeks ago as I laid in my bed to sleep, I realized I hadn't prayed in a while. Like really prayed. So I jumped up and grabbed my journal. I spilled how I was feeling on the pages and immediately felt better. It was like my soul sighed and said, "It's good to be back." I remembered once again where I was meant to be--walking with God.
How cool is it that we are privileged enough to have the honor of being best friends with the Creator of the universe? That blows my mind. And I get to spend my summer sharing that good news with young people. I just hope I don't get in the way. That's my prayer recently, and one thing I wrote on my "remembrance rock" from our staff communion. It sits by my bed to remind me of what I want from God this summer. I want to add to it what Sonya shared with us in staff worship this morning, but Corinthians 13 won't fit. ;) I want to love better, because love truly is the most important part of life, on this earth or beyond. Because of that, it's also what hurts us the most, and I can't say that I'm not without my own difficulties in that area. But the more I trade my desires for God's desires, the better my quality of life. It's my prayer that you succeed in this area too.
I should go--the kiddies are almost back from the pool. God bless. :)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
I don't understand...
I don't understand.
I don't understand how to differentiate between them: my wants and God's wants. He wants to give me the desires of my heart, right? The subject, in particular, is Student Missionary-ing.
I have wanted to be an SM my whole life, ever since I learned that I was born on the mission field. My dad showed me pictures of Chuuk, then called Truk, and taught me how to sing "This is the Day" in Trukese. My mom told me what it was like to be pregnant and a new mother on an island. I've always wanted to visit someday, and to be a missionary somewhere myself.
As I finished high school and started college, those plans shrank from my mind. I didn't really think about how it would fit in, leaving my life for a year. The thought was especially avoidable when I got into a relationship the middle of freshman year. That summer I worked at Camp Wawona, and a lot of people there had just come back from SM, or had already done it at some point, and it made me think about the possibility again. And then during the beginning of the school year, Rachel started talking about how she wanted to be an SM. I started thinking more seriously about about it, and remembering how much I've always wanted to be a missionary. The SM movement on campus began, and I started to get swept up into it. I wanted to go so bad. I was scared because I wondered if he was "the one," and thought about how hard it would be to leave him. But I wanted to go really bad, and knew that if it was meant to be, it would work out.
And then Kirsten died. It affected our whole friend group because Liesel was such good friends with her. It just put a bad taste in our mouths about SM. I just didn't want to go anymore. I wasn't scared to go, I just didn't want to. As quickly as I'd gotten excited about it, that's how quickly my excitement deflated.
Then came the beginning of the new semester, and with it, the last SM vespers. I realized that I had never really consulted God on this subject. I had prayed about it some, but never really searched for His will. I had sort of said, "God, if Devin and I break up, I'll go. That will be my sign." But we weren't broken up, and I knew that I had to be sure about it. So during that Vespers, I opened my heart to him. I listened intently, all the way through the altar call, waiting for God to say, "Yes! It's your turn! I want you to go for Me."
He said no. He told me not this year. So I said ok. Not this year.
It's sort of a relief, because it's a big ordeal and would put me back a year. So at first, I was ok with it.
But lately I've been remembering how much I want to, and that this next year would have been the ideal time to go. And, we're broken up now. But I knew that deal wasn't a good deal. It just pushes me towards it. And I really really want to go. I don't think it will work out another year. To me, it seems that I won't be going at all. And I don't understand why. I want to go so bad. I have 10 reasons I can tell you right now that it would be good. But God said no. Not right now. And I don't understand.
Maybe He needs me to trust Him more first. Maybe I haven't given myself to Him enough. Maybe He has something planned for me next year. But I really want to be a student missionary. And He said no. I don't understand...
I don't understand how to differentiate between them: my wants and God's wants. He wants to give me the desires of my heart, right? The subject, in particular, is Student Missionary-ing.
I have wanted to be an SM my whole life, ever since I learned that I was born on the mission field. My dad showed me pictures of Chuuk, then called Truk, and taught me how to sing "This is the Day" in Trukese. My mom told me what it was like to be pregnant and a new mother on an island. I've always wanted to visit someday, and to be a missionary somewhere myself.
As I finished high school and started college, those plans shrank from my mind. I didn't really think about how it would fit in, leaving my life for a year. The thought was especially avoidable when I got into a relationship the middle of freshman year. That summer I worked at Camp Wawona, and a lot of people there had just come back from SM, or had already done it at some point, and it made me think about the possibility again. And then during the beginning of the school year, Rachel started talking about how she wanted to be an SM. I started thinking more seriously about about it, and remembering how much I've always wanted to be a missionary. The SM movement on campus began, and I started to get swept up into it. I wanted to go so bad. I was scared because I wondered if he was "the one," and thought about how hard it would be to leave him. But I wanted to go really bad, and knew that if it was meant to be, it would work out.
And then Kirsten died. It affected our whole friend group because Liesel was such good friends with her. It just put a bad taste in our mouths about SM. I just didn't want to go anymore. I wasn't scared to go, I just didn't want to. As quickly as I'd gotten excited about it, that's how quickly my excitement deflated.
Then came the beginning of the new semester, and with it, the last SM vespers. I realized that I had never really consulted God on this subject. I had prayed about it some, but never really searched for His will. I had sort of said, "God, if Devin and I break up, I'll go. That will be my sign." But we weren't broken up, and I knew that I had to be sure about it. So during that Vespers, I opened my heart to him. I listened intently, all the way through the altar call, waiting for God to say, "Yes! It's your turn! I want you to go for Me."
He said no. He told me not this year. So I said ok. Not this year.
It's sort of a relief, because it's a big ordeal and would put me back a year. So at first, I was ok with it.
But lately I've been remembering how much I want to, and that this next year would have been the ideal time to go. And, we're broken up now. But I knew that deal wasn't a good deal. It just pushes me towards it. And I really really want to go. I don't think it will work out another year. To me, it seems that I won't be going at all. And I don't understand why. I want to go so bad. I have 10 reasons I can tell you right now that it would be good. But God said no. Not right now. And I don't understand.
Maybe He needs me to trust Him more first. Maybe I haven't given myself to Him enough. Maybe He has something planned for me next year. But I really want to be a student missionary. And He said no. I don't understand...
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