Tangibility.

So I'm a very touchy person:

I can't cut the habit of twirling my hair in my fingers.
I love playing my guitar really loud and feeling it vibrate against my body.
I have a bad habit of fingering the remaining pages of whatever book I'm reading.
I used to crunch massive quantities of ice.
My number one love language is physical touch.


I'm also very into the other senses:

I have to smell new foods before I try them (IF I try them!).
I love to taste my favorites foods!
I love designing and appreciate good design, as well as using as many colors in my wardrobe and on my homework (what am I, in third grade? =P).
Music is most definitely at the core of who I am.
One word: skydiving!

I don't know if everyone else relishes being in tune to their senses, but I certainly do. We discussed in a class recently that the more sensory an experience, the fuller it is and the more it means to you.

I think this is one reason that, at least for me, it's so hard to trust God. He's not tangible. I can't enjoy touching Him; I can't smell Him before I take Him in; I can't hear what He says to me. As someone who relies on and enjoys my senses (I just twirled my hair), it's hard to rely on someone whom I can't sense.

Or can I?

Have I not stared out over a valley or a waterfall, in awe of what my Creator created for me to see?
Have I not felt God's presence when someone comforted me with a hug in rough times?
Have I not been in awe of the endless varieties of foods and combinations of tastes?
How many times have smells triggered powerful memories of spending time with God in the mountains?
Has a piece of music not stirred to me to tears, praising God for the beauty that I can hear?
Better yet, how many times has someone encouraged me or preached a sermon that has changed my heart?
Touched my heart?
That's the best sense.

And to take this one step further, from an earlier post, I can apply this verse:
"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:21

Musterless.

Why is it that in my dreams I never have been able to muster up the strength to hurt someone?

I mean when the situation calls for it, when I really need to hit or kick someone, I can't make my blows land effectively. 

The other night I dreamed I was being attacked by a man, and he had me on the ground. I was wiggling and trying with all my might to kick him away, but I just couldn't kick him as hard as I know I could in real life. When I woke up, I realized this is how it always is when I need to attack in my dreams. Why am I musterless? Has anyone else felt this way?

Eating = glory?

As I review memory verses for my Christian Beliefs cereal and chomp down on Corn Chex with Silk, I come across this verse: 


“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 
1 Corinthians 10:31


...and I wonder, how can eating be to the glory of God?

Mid-College Crisis

I don't know what I want to do with my life.

Correction: I want to do too many things. And money is a factor.

If I could just identify what my true passion is, I would trust God and bounce into the abyss, not caring about money. But I can't seem to nail it down.

The first week of this semester I changed my emphasis from New Media (internet, journalism convergence) to Media Production (video, tv). But some days I don't want to make television.

Some days, I think I want to make movies. But being a film major means being here a lot longer. And I am so not guaranteed a job. And I'd have to live in LA. Plus, film majors are really cool and dedicated. What if I didn't fit in? What if I started over and then found out it was the wrong fit.

Some days, I think that if I could just make music for the rest of life I'd be happy. But lets be real: I don't even have enough songs written for an EP right now. I'm too scared of what I think to write. And again, I probably wouldn't make any money.


Some days, I want to be a missionary. I have always wanted to, and I still plan on being one at some point or points in my life. Some days, I think that I should just give up America and help people elsewhere. Learn new languages and feed the hungry and tell people about Jesus. But I haven't done it yet. I don't know if I'm scared and that's why, or too comfortable with my America life, or what...


Some days I just want someone to tell me what to do. I enjoy being an almost-adult for the most part. I like being able to make some decisions on my own, the day-to-day responsibilities. But what if my day-to-day is putting me in the wrong direction for my future year-to-year?

Why do I have to worry about money? It's not fair.

And why don't I have the cojones to give my complete academic life/career to God? Would that even be the end-all answer?


I'm frustrated.

Lyrics + Melody = My happy soul.

Some lyrics that have inspired me today... 

"I look out the window

The birds are composing

Not a note is out of tune

Or out of place

I walk to the meadow

And stare at the flowers

Better dressed than any girl

On her wedding day

So why should I worry?

Why do I freak out?

God knows what I need

You know what I need!

Your love is

Your love is 

Your love is strong"

'Your Love is Strong' by Jon Foreman

"I can finally see

That you're right there beside me

I am not my own
For I have been made new
Please don't let me go
I desperately need you"

'Meteor Shower' by Owl City

"The boy only wanted to give Mother something

And all of her roses had bloomed
Looking at her as he came rushing in with them
Knowing her roses were doomed
All she could see were some thorns buried deep
And the tears that he cried as she tended his wounds

And she knew it was love
It was one she could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands

He still remembers that night as child
On his mother's knee
She held him close and she opened her bible
And quietly started to read
And seeing a picture of Jesus he cried out
"Momma, he's got some scars just like me."

And he knew it was love
It was one he could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands"

'The Hand Song' by Nickel Creek

Look them up sometime; they're really pretty as well as powerful!

Favorite Moment of Week #1

My favorite moment of Cub Camp (Week 1).

Patty (age 7, half sitting in my lap): "I miss my mommy and my daddy and my brother."

Me: "I miss my mom and dad and sister too."

*pause*

Patty: "When you or any of the staff here hugs me it feels like my mommy."

Me: *heart melts*

I'm in a good place...

...in more ways than one.

First of all, I'm at Camp Wawona, located in the lovely Yosemite National Park. I'm surrounded by 55-ish amazing staff members. They all make me want to be a better person.

Second of all, God and I are on great terms. A couple of weeks ago as I laid in my bed to sleep, I realized I hadn't prayed in a while. Like really prayed. So I jumped up and grabbed my journal. I spilled how I was feeling on the pages and immediately felt better. It was like my soul sighed and said, "It's good to be back." I remembered once again where I was meant to be--walking with God.

How cool is it that we are privileged enough to have the honor of being best friends with the Creator of the universe? That blows my mind. And I get to spend my summer sharing that good news with young people. I just hope I don't get in the way. That's my prayer recently, and one thing I wrote on my "remembrance rock" from our staff communion. It sits by my bed to remind me of what I want from God this summer. I want to add to it what Sonya shared with us in staff worship this morning, but Corinthians 13 won't fit. ;) I want to love better, because love truly is the most important part of life, on this earth or beyond. Because of that, it's also what hurts us the most, and I can't say that I'm not without my own difficulties in that area. But the more I trade my desires for God's desires, the better my quality of life. It's my prayer that you succeed in this area too.

I should go--the kiddies are almost back from the pool. God bless. :)