Correction: I want to do too many things. And money is a factor.
If I could just identify what my true passion is, I would trust God and bounce into the abyss, not caring about money. But I can't seem to nail it down.
The first week of this semester I changed my emphasis from New Media (internet, journalism convergence) to Media Production (video, tv). But some days I don't want to make television.
Some days, I think I want to make movies. But being a film major means being here a lot longer. And I am so not guaranteed a job. And I'd have to live in LA. Plus, film majors are really cool and dedicated. What if I didn't fit in? What if I started over and then found out it was the wrong fit.
Some days, I think that if I could just make music for the rest of life I'd be happy. But lets be real: I don't even have enough songs written for an EP right now. I'm too scared of what I think to write. And again, I probably wouldn't make any money.
Some days, I want to be a missionary. I have always wanted to, and I still plan on being one at some point or points in my life. Some days, I think that I should just give up America and help people elsewhere. Learn new languages and feed the hungry and tell people about Jesus. But I haven't done it yet. I don't know if I'm scared and that's why, or too comfortable with my America life, or what...
Some days I just want someone to tell me what to do. I enjoy being an almost-adult for the most part. I like being able to make some decisions on my own, the day-to-day responsibilities. But what if my day-to-day is putting me in the wrong direction for my future year-to-year?
Why do I have to worry about money? It's not fair.
And why don't I have the cojones to give my complete academic life/career to God? Would that even be the end-all answer?
I'm frustrated.
