Don't come back for me.
Come for the father who carries his disabled son through triathlons.
Come for the babies whose daddies don't come back from war the same, if at all.
Come back so my friend can see his mom again.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the daughters who think touch equals love.
Come for the ones whose shattered homes cannot show them how to love.
Come back for the one who was so beautiful, then one car collision forever changed what's normal.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Come for the singing African babies, born with a death sentence.
Come for the ones who know nothing but hunger pain and cold concrete, just down the street from my hot chocolate.
Come back for the those who lived in shacks, and now the rubble of shacks.
Don't come for me, but for them.
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Doubt.
Sometimes I doubt God.
I doubt why He loves me. People say, "He created you, so that's why He loves you."
I don't love everything I create. I know some people who hate what they've created.
Remembering that we are made in His image, that we bear resemblance to God, does help some. That feels pretty special. But it doesn't quite clinch it every time.
So in my mind, just because God created me doesn't mean that He automatically loves me.
But that wasn't all He did.
He could've just let us go about our sinful business, especially after we turned our backs on him, first at the Tree, and then countless times after that. Even after He gave humanity a second change via the ark. We messed up again, and He could've thrown up His hands and let us run a muck, or wiped us all out and started over.
But He didn't. He didn't abandon us, and he didn't give us a mediocre treatment.
He sacrificed His son, His only child, just so that we could be saved from ourselves.
And all I have to do is believe.
Believe through my doubts, that even those can and will be wiped away. Because belief is contagious. It's like anything you practice: the more you practice, the better you are at it. Especially, it seems, when you share it with someone else.
I think that's been one of my problems lately. I haven't been connecting with many people on a spiritual level. And isn't that the most important one? I know it is, but this thing called University Living gets in the way, but I'm tired of that being an excuse.
I'm also tired of the Adventist bubble. (This post should probably be separated into three, whups.) This has been on my mind a lot lately, and my friends seem to agree. I have never done anything outside the SDA world, except a one-week theater camp when I was 13. Don't get me wrong, I love Adventists, I believe in Adventism and our institutions, I am grateful for all my experiences and my upbringing, and that I have been kept safe in the bubble all this time. But I think it really stunts my growth sometimes. I don't want that to be an excuse, but I'm tired of trying the same old things and getting the same non- or blah-results.
A friend has encouraged me to go back to the basics. And when tempted with sin, to not focus on the sin itself, but the voice in my head that tells me I'm not worthy of God's love.
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." -James 4:7
The Message paraphrase says to "Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper." I like the imagery of a weak devil.
This is a little ramble-y, but I've just been working through some thoughts. Your suggestions and prayers and testimonies are welcome :)
I doubt why He loves me. People say, "He created you, so that's why He loves you."
I don't love everything I create. I know some people who hate what they've created.
Remembering that we are made in His image, that we bear resemblance to God, does help some. That feels pretty special. But it doesn't quite clinch it every time.
So in my mind, just because God created me doesn't mean that He automatically loves me.
But that wasn't all He did.
He could've just let us go about our sinful business, especially after we turned our backs on him, first at the Tree, and then countless times after that. Even after He gave humanity a second change via the ark. We messed up again, and He could've thrown up His hands and let us run a muck, or wiped us all out and started over.
But He didn't. He didn't abandon us, and he didn't give us a mediocre treatment.
He sacrificed His son, His only child, just so that we could be saved from ourselves.
And all I have to do is believe.
Believe through my doubts, that even those can and will be wiped away. Because belief is contagious. It's like anything you practice: the more you practice, the better you are at it. Especially, it seems, when you share it with someone else.
I think that's been one of my problems lately. I haven't been connecting with many people on a spiritual level. And isn't that the most important one? I know it is, but this thing called University Living gets in the way, but I'm tired of that being an excuse.
I'm also tired of the Adventist bubble. (This post should probably be separated into three, whups.) This has been on my mind a lot lately, and my friends seem to agree. I have never done anything outside the SDA world, except a one-week theater camp when I was 13. Don't get me wrong, I love Adventists, I believe in Adventism and our institutions, I am grateful for all my experiences and my upbringing, and that I have been kept safe in the bubble all this time. But I think it really stunts my growth sometimes. I don't want that to be an excuse, but I'm tired of trying the same old things and getting the same non- or blah-results.
A friend has encouraged me to go back to the basics. And when tempted with sin, to not focus on the sin itself, but the voice in my head that tells me I'm not worthy of God's love.
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." -James 4:7
The Message paraphrase says to "Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper." I like the imagery of a weak devil.
This is a little ramble-y, but I've just been working through some thoughts. Your suggestions and prayers and testimonies are welcome :)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Tangibility.
So I'm a very touchy person:
I can't cut the habit of twirling my hair in my fingers.
I love playing my guitar really loud and feeling it vibrate against my body.
I have a bad habit of fingering the remaining pages of whatever book I'm reading.
I used to crunch massive quantities of ice.
My number one love language is physical touch.
I'm also very into the other senses:
I have to smell new foods before I try them (IF I try them!).
I love to taste my favorites foods!
I love designing and appreciate good design, as well as using as many colors in my wardrobe and on my homework (what am I, in third grade? =P).
Music is most definitely at the core of who I am.
One word: skydiving!
I don't know if everyone else relishes being in tune to their senses, but I certainly do. We discussed in a class recently that the more sensory an experience, the fuller it is and the more it means to you.
I think this is one reason that, at least for me, it's so hard to trust God. He's not tangible. I can't enjoy touching Him; I can't smell Him before I take Him in; I can't hear what He says to me. As someone who relies on and enjoys my senses (I just twirled my hair), it's hard to rely on someone whom I can't sense.
Or can I?
Have I not stared out over a valley or a waterfall, in awe of what my Creator created for me to see?
Have I not felt God's presence when someone comforted me with a hug in rough times?
Have I not been in awe of the endless varieties of foods and combinations of tastes?
How many times have smells triggered powerful memories of spending time with God in the mountains?
Has a piece of music not stirred to me to tears, praising God for the beauty that I can hear?
Better yet, how many times has someone encouraged me or preached a sermon that has changed my heart?
Touched my heart?
That's the best sense.
And to take this one step further, from an earlier post, I can apply this verse:
"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:21
I can't cut the habit of twirling my hair in my fingers.
I love playing my guitar really loud and feeling it vibrate against my body.
I have a bad habit of fingering the remaining pages of whatever book I'm reading.
I used to crunch massive quantities of ice.
My number one love language is physical touch.
I'm also very into the other senses:
I have to smell new foods before I try them (IF I try them!).
I love to taste my favorites foods!
I love designing and appreciate good design, as well as using as many colors in my wardrobe and on my homework (what am I, in third grade? =P).
Music is most definitely at the core of who I am.
One word: skydiving!
I don't know if everyone else relishes being in tune to their senses, but I certainly do. We discussed in a class recently that the more sensory an experience, the fuller it is and the more it means to you.
I think this is one reason that, at least for me, it's so hard to trust God. He's not tangible. I can't enjoy touching Him; I can't smell Him before I take Him in; I can't hear what He says to me. As someone who relies on and enjoys my senses (I just twirled my hair), it's hard to rely on someone whom I can't sense.
Or can I?
Have I not stared out over a valley or a waterfall, in awe of what my Creator created for me to see?
Have I not felt God's presence when someone comforted me with a hug in rough times?
Have I not been in awe of the endless varieties of foods and combinations of tastes?
How many times have smells triggered powerful memories of spending time with God in the mountains?
Has a piece of music not stirred to me to tears, praising God for the beauty that I can hear?
Better yet, how many times has someone encouraged me or preached a sermon that has changed my heart?
Touched my heart?
That's the best sense.
And to take this one step further, from an earlier post, I can apply this verse:
"Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:21
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Eating = glory?
As I review memory verses for my Christian Beliefs cereal and chomp down on Corn Chex with Silk, I come across this verse:
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31
...and I wonder, how can eating be to the glory of God?
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31
...and I wonder, how can eating be to the glory of God?
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Mid-College Crisis
I don't know what I want to do with my life.
Correction: I want to do too many things. And money is a factor.
If I could just identify what my true passion is, I would trust God and bounce into the abyss, not caring about money. But I can't seem to nail it down.
The first week of this semester I changed my emphasis from New Media (internet, journalism convergence) to Media Production (video, tv). But some days I don't want to make television.
Some days, I think I want to make movies. But being a film major means being here a lot longer. And I am so not guaranteed a job. And I'd have to live in LA. Plus, film majors are really cool and dedicated. What if I didn't fit in? What if I started over and then found out it was the wrong fit.
Some days, I think that if I could just make music for the rest of life I'd be happy. But lets be real: I don't even have enough songs written for an EP right now. I'm too scared of what I think to write. And again, I probably wouldn't make any money.
Some days, I want to be a missionary. I have always wanted to, and I still plan on being one at some point or points in my life. Some days, I think that I should just give up America and help people elsewhere. Learn new languages and feed the hungry and tell people about Jesus. But I haven't done it yet. I don't know if I'm scared and that's why, or too comfortable with my America life, or what...
Some days I just want someone to tell me what to do. I enjoy being an almost-adult for the most part. I like being able to make some decisions on my own, the day-to-day responsibilities. But what if my day-to-day is putting me in the wrong direction for my future year-to-year?
Why do I have to worry about money? It's not fair.
And why don't I have the cojones to give my complete academic life/career to God? Would that even be the end-all answer?
I'm frustrated.
Correction: I want to do too many things. And money is a factor.
If I could just identify what my true passion is, I would trust God and bounce into the abyss, not caring about money. But I can't seem to nail it down.
The first week of this semester I changed my emphasis from New Media (internet, journalism convergence) to Media Production (video, tv). But some days I don't want to make television.
Some days, I think I want to make movies. But being a film major means being here a lot longer. And I am so not guaranteed a job. And I'd have to live in LA. Plus, film majors are really cool and dedicated. What if I didn't fit in? What if I started over and then found out it was the wrong fit.
Some days, I think that if I could just make music for the rest of life I'd be happy. But lets be real: I don't even have enough songs written for an EP right now. I'm too scared of what I think to write. And again, I probably wouldn't make any money.
Some days, I want to be a missionary. I have always wanted to, and I still plan on being one at some point or points in my life. Some days, I think that I should just give up America and help people elsewhere. Learn new languages and feed the hungry and tell people about Jesus. But I haven't done it yet. I don't know if I'm scared and that's why, or too comfortable with my America life, or what...
Some days I just want someone to tell me what to do. I enjoy being an almost-adult for the most part. I like being able to make some decisions on my own, the day-to-day responsibilities. But what if my day-to-day is putting me in the wrong direction for my future year-to-year?
Why do I have to worry about money? It's not fair.
And why don't I have the cojones to give my complete academic life/career to God? Would that even be the end-all answer?
I'm frustrated.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Not over being without him.
I've decided that I am mostly over being with him, but I'm not over being without him. I'm not used to not being in a relationship; I'm not comfortable with being single. I've had feelings, deep feelings, feelings on a regular basis for this one person, and now it's hard to just stop having them. So the tendency is to transfer them instead of bury them. That is, in my opinion, how rebounds happen. I'm hoping that recognizing that fact will help me not to rebound. Not badly, anyway, hah..
The other thing is, God is competing for my attention. Lauren and I have been talking about how we are sick of not being "chased" by the boys we want. But God is definitely chasing me. Reminding me of how he's taking care of me, and of the intimate parts of our relationship. Why is it so hard to give him my everything?
Some days I feel like I have it allll figured out. "Yay, I'm done 'finding myself,'" I say. And then it all falls apart again, because of these silly little things called emotions. But God gave me amazing family and friends to help me through this thing called life. So I know I'll get there. Besides, it's about the journey, not the destination, right?
The other thing is, God is competing for my attention. Lauren and I have been talking about how we are sick of not being "chased" by the boys we want. But God is definitely chasing me. Reminding me of how he's taking care of me, and of the intimate parts of our relationship. Why is it so hard to give him my everything?
Some days I feel like I have it allll figured out. "Yay, I'm done 'finding myself,'" I say. And then it all falls apart again, because of these silly little things called emotions. But God gave me amazing family and friends to help me through this thing called life. So I know I'll get there. Besides, it's about the journey, not the destination, right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)