Doubt.

Sometimes I doubt God.

I doubt why He loves me. People say, "He created you, so that's why He loves you."

I don't love everything I create. I know some people who hate what they've created.

Remembering that we are made in His image, that we bear resemblance to God, does help some. That feels pretty special. But it doesn't quite clinch it every time.

So in my mind, just because God created me doesn't mean that He automatically loves me.

But that wasn't all He did.

He could've just let us go about our sinful business, especially after we turned our backs on him, first at the Tree, and then countless times after that. Even after He gave humanity a second change via the ark. We messed up again, and He could've thrown up His hands and let us run a muck, or wiped us all out and started over.

But He didn't. He didn't abandon us, and he didn't give us a mediocre treatment.

He sacrificed His son, His only child, just so that we could be saved from ourselves.

And all I have to do is believe.

Believe through my doubts, that even those can and will be wiped away. Because belief is contagious. It's like anything you practice: the more you practice, the better you are at it. Especially, it seems, when you share it with someone else.

I think that's been one of my problems lately. I haven't been connecting with many people on a spiritual level. And isn't that the most important one? I know it is, but this thing called University Living gets in the way, but I'm tired of that being an excuse.

I'm also tired of the Adventist bubble. (This post should probably be separated into three, whups.) This has been on my mind a lot lately, and my friends seem to agree. I have never done anything outside the SDA world, except a one-week theater camp when I was 13. Don't get me wrong, I love Adventists, I believe in Adventism and our institutions, I am grateful for all my experiences and my upbringing, and that I have been kept safe in the bubble all this time. But I think it really stunts my growth sometimes. I don't want that to be an excuse, but I'm tired of trying the same old things and getting the same non- or blah-results.

A friend has encouraged me to go back to the basics. And when tempted with sin, to not focus on the sin itself, but the voice in my head that tells me I'm not worthy of God's love.

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." -James 4:7

The Message paraphrase says to "Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper." I like the imagery of a weak devil.

This is a little ramble-y, but I've just been working through some thoughts. Your suggestions and prayers and testimonies are welcome :)